The Siamese Satirist: Rohingya refugees consider careers in sports and entertainment to gain Thai middle-class support

As the world’s most persecuted minority group, having faced exile and genocide at the hands of the Myanmar government, Rohingya communal leaders told The Siamese Satirist on Thursday they were baffled by the support of Thai elites for the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

“They are organizing a protest on Sunday for the African-Americans in Bangkok,” said Rahman Hlaw Wen, a communal leader. “It has nearly 1,000 people signing up, we can’t even get a Facebook post! America is THOUSANDS of miles away, we are right next door!”

Rahman said, as a result, leaders in his community are planning for Rohingyas to take starring roles in popular sports and TV shows to woo the mercurial interests of the Thais.

“We’ve already asked the United Nations to build basketball courts in the refugee camps so that we can train.,” he said.

“We’re also planning on being on popular films that highlight stereotypical depictions of us rather than treat us three-dimensional human beings”

Rahman said that the prevalence of African Americans celebrities was the only logical explanation for why the Thai middle class seemed so invested.

“When we were getting raped and murdered by the Myanmar government, many Thais took to social media to ask why they should care about our plight when they had their own problems,” said Rahman.

“I mean, those problems haven’t gone away so why do they give a shit about Black Lives Matter now? Clearly it must be celebrities and sports, otherwise, they’re just shitty people and we hope that is not true.”

Rahman also said he was reaching out the hill tribes of Thailand, the thousands of refugees in camps around Thailand, and the migrant workers of Thailand who face constant discrimination, extrajudicial killing and persecution.

“We figured out the formula! So we’re going to tell those minorities also ignored by the Thais to join popular sports and entertainment so they can get their own public protests too,” he said. “I mean, shit, we might feel worse for them. Those people actually live in Thailand and get ignored.”





[This is Fake News. Because some people fail to spot the difference between reality and satire, this disclaimer is necessary.]

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